A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.